Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel