I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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