it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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