we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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