Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
