So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
