I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
