Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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