If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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