I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
