just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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