every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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