No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
