Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
