i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
