thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
