Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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