is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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