it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
