I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
