nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
