found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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