Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
