is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
