this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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