Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
