I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the condom got lost in my hair
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
