please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
