I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
