Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
