I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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