i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
