Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
