based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
