she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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