Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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