Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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