It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
