i cant cry in cvs. not again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize