I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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