Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
