I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
