Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
