I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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