That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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