i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
