You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize