Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
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Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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