Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
