my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
