i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
