i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
