and she was petting her beer can
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
