I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
