I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize