We're like a lot better than the average bears
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
