I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
