i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
