i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
