I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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