I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
