I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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