I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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