you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
