One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
