So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
