He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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