is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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