theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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